Rating THE EXPENDABLES According To Their Individual & Current Awesomeness.

So the publicity for The Expendables 2 is ramping up.  I’ve been seeing a new mini-trailer in front of movies at the theater recently, which we should talk about.  For one thing, am I the only person who thinks it looks like they majorly skimped on the cinematography budget?  Seriously, dude. Expendables 2 was shot [...]

Screening in NYC: ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 (1976).

Assault On Precinct 13 is screening this weekend as the IFC Center’s midnight movie.  It’s a stone-cold must-see if you’ve never had the pleasure, and a terrific choice to watch in the middle of the night, its most natural habitat. With respect to fans of Dark Star, Carpenter’s first major credit as director, Assault On Precinct [...]

Screening In NYC: HOUSE (1977).

  This recently-excavated cult classic is the weekend movie at Landmark Sunshine Cinemas here in New York.  YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS CRAZY GODDAMN MOVIE.  It’s great.  Here’s why: Hausu (aka House, from 1977) is without a doubt, one of the weirdest fucking movies I’ve ever seen, and goddamn it but that really must be saying something.  It’s strange that standing in the face of this [...]

31 FLAVORS OF HORROR #21: HOUSE (1977).

Hausu (aka House, from 1977) is without a doubt, one of the weirdest fucking movies I’ve ever seen, and goddamn it but that really must be saying something.  It’s strange that standing in the face of this thing has reduced me to profanity, when it’s most certainly the most innocent ultra-violent horror movie that could [...]

Cult Classics: PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (2008).

      PUNISHER: WAR ZONE & THE SAD STATE OF THE CINEMATIC SHIT-KICKER. So I was one of those strange people who watched Punisher: War Zone during its brief theatrical run.  If you’re a fan of left-field action flicks and intentional unintentional humor, I’ll tell you it’s definitely worth that late-night rental.  If you like [...]

From The Archives: VALHALLA RISING (2010).

  In the beginning there was only man and nature. Men came bearing crosses and drove the heathen to the fringes of the earth. Okay, I have to admit, you got my attention. Those words are the opening of Valhalla Rising, the title card which pretty directly explains what you’re about to watch.  The movie, [...]

Cult Classics: BATTLE ROYALE (2000).

Quick note to let you know that a very special screening is happening tonight, Friday July 8th, at 915pm at the Japan Society:  Battle Royale will be making an exceedingly rare appearance on an American screen.  Despite what you may (or may not) have heard, Battle Royale has never exactly been banned in the United [...]

From The Archives: NINJA ASSASSIN (2009).

 Something I wrote way back when.  I’m prouder of this than I probably ought to admit.   Ninja Assassin crept inconspicuously onto DVD shelves today.  No, it’s not all that good, but how much good do you expect?  If you keep your expectations at a rational level, you’ll have a good time.  It should be noted that [...]

Movie Review: CENTURION (2010).

Here’s my review of Centurion, finally!  Any fan of badass n’ bloody action movies needs to track this sucker down. Here’s a question: Do you like movies about gladiators? Or: Are you ready for an end-of-summer action flick about angry guys swinging swords at each other? Are you like me, and you think Gladiator was just a little too serious and [...]

Movie Review: THE EXPENDABLES.

Official Expendables sweat stains! _____________________________________________________ The Expendables travel around in a flying boat that is marked with the words “Wildlife Conservancy,” which is kind of the key to the movie’s sense of humor right there.  Whenever these guys visit a foreign locale, they let loose with an inferno of gunfire and scorched earth that probably [...]