Laughing At You, Not With You: The Trailer for THE INTOUCHABLES.

That’s The INtouchables, not The Untouchables.  The Untouchables is a good movie which I’d have no problem watching again anytime.  Let’s have one excellent moment together before the darkness descends. That was nice.  Now back to The Intouchables. Here’s how IMDb describes The Intouchables: After he becomes a quadriplegic from a paragliding accident, an aristocrat hires a [...]

Rating THE EXPENDABLES According To Their Individual & Current Awesomeness.

So the publicity for The Expendables 2 is ramping up.  I’ve been seeing a new mini-trailer in front of movies at the theater recently, which we should talk about.  For one thing, am I the only person who thinks it looks like they majorly skimped on the cinematography budget?  Seriously, dude. Expendables 2 was shot [...]

March 2012′s Most Unfortunate Movie Posters.

And now it’s time again for that time, again.  Or something. This is the part where I ponder the no-doubt-expensive advertising campaigns of major motion pictures, mercilessly critiquing them from my cozy perch in my twenty-acre mansion.  Or my mom’s basement.  Or wherever you’d prefer to imagine I do these pieces. Movie posters can be an art unto [...]

From The Archives: GREEN ZONE (2010).

    The first and best compliment that I can pay Green Zone is that right after I left the screening, I tracked down the source book, Imperial Life In The Emerald City – which wasn’t particularly easy to do after midnight. Naturally, the movie, which was directed by Paul Greengrass, is much more bombastic and [...]

2000 Words On: IRRATIONAL FEARS.

I first wrote this piece in 2008.  I still consider it to be among my best, because the subject matter is even more relevant today than it was four years ago.    I’m not plagued by all too many irrational fears.  Some people are afraid of dogs, or spiders, or clowns.  Not me.  Not my issues.  [...]

Farrah Fawcett 1947-2009.

IMDb’s front page reminds me that Farrah Fawcett was born on this day. This in turn reminded me to revisitwhat I wrote the day the news broke that she passed. I regret it wasn’t more of a specific tribute, but I like the fire I was writing with. I think I was getting at something [...]

From The Archives: GRAN TORINO (2008).

  Take my words with as big a helping of salt as you choose, since I have got to be the biggest Clint Eastwood fan this side of forty.  I have found something worth remembering and studying within every entry of his directorial output, even in the ones I don’t happen to prefer, and if [...]

The 2011 Cinematic Black-Guy Death Toll.

“Brothers don’t last long in situations like this.” — Duane Martin as “Joel”, Scream 2, 1997. In 1997, the illness was still beneath the surface enough for the joke to register. Fourteen years later, in 2011, is the joke still funny? We’re in the future. We have a multi-cultural president. Beyoncé and Jay-Z are basically [...]

Cult Classics: PUNISHER: WAR ZONE (2008).

      PUNISHER: WAR ZONE & THE SAD STATE OF THE CINEMATIC SHIT-KICKER. So I was one of those strange people who watched Punisher: War Zone during its brief theatrical run.  If you’re a fan of left-field action flicks and intentional unintentional humor, I’ll tell you it’s definitely worth that late-night rental.  If you like [...]

Cult Classics: TORQUE (2004).

Prepare yourself for my incoming Fast Five review by reading this piece about a less recent, lower-profile neo-classic B-movie about fast-moving vehicles, pretty ladies in tight clothes, and homoerotic male bonding! I recently re-read what I scribbled down in my movie journal about Torque, and I feel like now, on Fast Five’s opening day, is [...]