Full Disclosure: ALL THE MOVIES RELEASED IN 2012, AS SEEN BY ME.

Posted: April 17, 2013 in Lists, Movies

Django Unchained (2012)

I made a list like this in 2011, but I realized I hadn’t made one for 2012.  So here it is.

First:  The 2011 Movies.  And here are My Top Ten of 2011.

And now, all the movies from 2012 that I managed to see, by order of their theatrical release.  (If you want to see how I whittled all of these down to ten for 2012, here’s my Top 10.)  I put links in the titles if I wrote about the movies.

Haywire (2012)

HAYWIRE.

Somehow controversial to say so, but I dug it.

The Grey (2012)

THE GREY.

My #1 movie of the year, all year.

Chronicle (2012)

CHRONICLE.

Clever.

The Woman in Black (2012)

THE WOMAN IN BLACK.

Spooky.

Safe House (2012)

SAFE HOUSE.

Over-directed.

Rampart (2011)

RAMPART.

Kind of a drag.

Wanderlust (2012)

WANDERLUST.

Funny.

The Lorax (2012)

THE LORAX.

Hurt my eyes and brain.

Project X (2012)

PROJECT X.

Needed monkeys.

Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie (2012)

TIM & ERIC’S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE.

Robert Loggia!

John Carter (2012)

JOHN CARTER.

Neither as bad nor as good as you may have heard. Love that butt-alien though.

Footnote (2011)

FOOTNOTE.

Sly and cerebral.  No one saw it because no one is dumb.

Jiro Dreams of Sushi (2011)

JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI.

Better Hugh Jackman cameo than the X-MEN movie. Also, an octopus gets a massage.

21 Jump Street (2012)

21 JUMP STREET.

Almost shockingly good.

Casa de mi Padre (2012)

CASA DE MI PADRE.

It’s as if they made it just for me.

The Hunger Games (2012)

THE HUNGER GAMES.

Fine. Book was better.

The Raid: Redemption (2012)

THE RAID: REDEMPTION.

Saw it for free; loved it so much I paid to take people back with me.

Goon (2012)

GOON.

Really funny. Really re-watchable.

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS.

Ginsu-sharp. I’m with Brad Whitford: Loved the merman.

Lockout (2012)

LOCKOUT.

As Funkadelic sang, “Super Stupid!” (A compliment.)

Bernie (2012)

BERNIE.

Maybe the most delightful movie about a vicious murder ever made.

Safe (2012)

SAFE.

Burly and bad-ass. And James Hong! First Jason Statham movie I really, really liked.

Headhunters (2011)

HEADHUNTERS.

Really dark, really funny. Check it out.

The Avengers (2012)

THE AVENGERS.

All of the good adjectives.

The Dictator (2012)

THE DICTATOR.

Disappointing.

Men in Black III (2012)

MEN IN BLACK 3.

Inessential, but surprisingly decent.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012)

MOONRISE KINGDOM.

Great. Handily defeats all incoming cynicism.

Piranha 3DD (2012)

PIRANHA 3DD.

Ends after an hour in favor of twenty minutes of bloopers. Haven’t seen that shit since MASTER OF DISGUISE. And at least that movie had Jennifer Esposito.

Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012)

MADAGASCAR 3.

My niece and I love the Chris Rock zebra. The rest, not so much.

Prometheus (2012)

PROMETHEUS.

Beautiful to look at, with almost all the wrong ideas. It’s the Jennifer Lopez of sci-fi prequels.

Safety Not Guaranteed (2012)

SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED.

Fun discovery. Not tremendous, but very diverting.

Brave (2012)

BRAVE.

No one told us there’d be bears.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012)

SEEKING A FRIEND FOR THE END OF THE WORLD.

I like those two.  For this movie, that’s enough.

Beasts of the Southern Wild (2012)

BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD.

Best giant-pig movie since South Korea’s CHAW.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN.

I liked it. Not as nearly much as I did the Sam Raimi ones, but this was as close to “Spider-Man vs. Godzilla” I’m likely to ever get.

Savages (2012)

SAVAGES.

Didn’t like the trio of protagonists, but Salma and Benicio ran away with the movie and made it worthwhile all on their own.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012)

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES.

Ponderous.

The Queen of Versailles (2012)

THE QUEEN OF VERSAILLES.

Fascinating documentary about a shithead and his trophy wife, who seems like a shithead but isn’t really so much.

Iron Sky (2012)

IRON SKY.

The movie can’t touch its poster.

Step Up Revolution (2012)

STEP UP REVOLUTION.

Everybody you see on that poster is a sell-out.

Killer Joe (2012)

KILLER JOE.

Brilliant from every angle.

Celeste and Jesse Forever (2012)

CELESTE & JESSE FOREVER.

I loved Rashida Jones before I knew she was a great writer. This movie proves she’s a great writer. Now it’s officially hopeless.

The Expendables 2 (2012)

THE EXPENDABLES 2.

Mostly dull. But every moment Chuck Norris is onscreen, it’s the worst movie of the year.

Compliance (2012)

COMPLIANCE.

Terrifically disturbing.

Cosmopolis (2012)

COSMOPOLIS.

Absolutely the most Canadian film about New York ever made. I still dug it though!

Premium Rush (2012)

PREMIUM RUSH.

Probably the single most underrated movie of 2012. Lots of fun.

Lawless (2012)

LAWLESS.

Not everyone agreed, but I thought it was great. Soundtrack of the year.

For a Good Time, Call... (2012)

FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL…

It’s GIRL 6 but way Jewier.

The Master (2012)

THE MASTER.

Fascinating. Not what I expected, but that’s a tremendous compliment.

Bait (2012)

BAIT.

Sharks in a shopping mall. Now you kind of have to read my review, huh?

Dredd (2012)

DREDD 3D.

I thought it rocked. Seems like other people are slowly starting to agree. My opinions are from the future!

End of Watch (2012)

END OF WATCH.

Flawed but valuable.

Looper (2012)

LOOPER.

Excellent and inventive. This was a good month for movies.

Pitch Perfect (2012)

PITCH PERFECT.

Really fun, and I did not expect to say that at all.

Argo (2012)

ARGO.

A fine movie. A B-plus. Not the best movie of the year by any stretch, and I’ve been rooting for Affleck for longer than almost anybody so I’m not being nasty.

Seven Psychopaths (2012)

SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS.

IN BRUGES was my favorite movie of 2008. This is Martin McDonagh’s follow-up. This is the kind of movie a brilliant writer makes when he doesn’t have much to say at the moment he makes it.

Smashed (2012)

SMASHED.

I truly love this movie. It has honesty in it.  Wonderful performances. See it.

Holy Motors (2012)

HOLY MOTORS.

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Alex Cross (2012)

ALEX CROSS.

Atrocious and ugly.

The Sessions (2012)

THE SESSIONS.

Beautiful and genuinely sweet.

Cloud Atlas (2012)

CLOUD ATLAS.

Brave. Beautiful. Wacked-out, in a great way. I was a skeptic and it made me a believer.

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (2012)

SILENT HILL: REVELATION 3D.

Waste of my time.

Skyfall (2012)

SKYFALL.

I’m not a James Bond fan, but Roger Deakins on the camera tip and Naomie Harris on the pretty-lady tip made this the best Bond movie for me by far.

The Bay (2012)

THE BAY.

Excellent science-inspired horror flick, one of the very few that justifies the found-footage craze.

Flight (2012)

FLIGHT.

The music supervisor should be fired. Otherwise, this was an excellent studio movie, the kind of which there used to be many more.  Denzel CRUSHED it.

 

Wreck-It Ralph (2012)

 

WRECK-IT RALPH.

Terrific. At twenty minutes shorter, it’d be a straight-up classic.

 

 

The Man with the Iron Fists (2012)

THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS.

Wish I loved it. It was worth a try.

Lincoln (2012)

LINCOLN.

Stately and spirited.

Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK.

Land of the blue-eyed Italians! I had a weird reaction to this movie. It felt inauthentic to me, but by every account its makers were sincere. The weirdest part is the way it turns into a STEP UP movie at the end.  Got nothing against the movie. I’m just not on the bandwagon. Nice to see Chris Tucker in a flick like this though.

Life of Pi (2012)

LIFE OF PI.

This movie has “Peter Jackson’s KING KONG disease.” It’s dull as shit for about an hour, before it turns awesome. But it’s a long hour. Still, the effects alone on the boat-sinking sequence make it a must-see.

Killing Them Softly (2012)

KILLING THEM SOFTLY.

Fine, the political subtext was pretty overt. You gonna let that stop you? One of the best crime movies of the year, the past couple even.

Deadfall (2012)

DEADFALL.

Great cast, solidly put together — a little over-directed for my tastes, but worth a look.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (2012)

THE HOBBIT.

Maybe it was from diminished expectations, but for whatever reasons, I had a blast.

Monsters, Inc. (2001)

MONSTERS INC. 3D

This is the only way we should have to experience Billy Crystal anymore.

Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

ZERO DARK THIRTY.

May have seen the trailers way too many times (it was advertised for about six months before I finally got to see it), because I thought it was excellent but I responded to it more intellectually than viscerally. Maybe a rewatch would help.

This Is 40 (2012)

THIS IS 40.

This is not a movie. I love Judd Apatow’s work normally, but seriously dude, this is pushing it.

Django Unchained (2012)

DJANGO UNCHAINED.

A moral and technical tightrope, one which everyone involved totally fucking nailed. Immediate classic. Quite possibly Quentin’s best movie. I’ll watch it a few dozen more times and let you know.

@jonnyabomb.

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