Boo!
Frightened? You ain’t seen nothing yet. It’s that time again, where we delve into the often-ill world of movie poster art. Here we spotlight the unimpressive, the flawed, the failed, and the absolutely mystifying.
Catch up on earlier months’ abominations:
April’s Most Unfortunate Movie Posters.
June’s Most Unfortunate Movie Posters.
July’s Most Unfortunate Movie Posters.
August’s Most Unfortunate Movie Posters.
September’s Most Unfortunate Movie Posters.
All of which brings us to October, which, appropriately to the month which houses Halloween, has some real lu-lus in store.
Starting with…
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I think I went to high school with a girl named “Arletta Avenue.” She never copied so blatantly off of terrible movies like Paranormal Activity, though — just my math test.
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Leave it to the Germans to find a way to make dolphins creepy.
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Please don’t send this movie overseas. The rest of the world already thinks we’re assholes.
P.S. The answer to “How She Does It” is still “Photoshop.” (Joke never gets old to me.)
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Now 50 Cent is writing taglines for the marketing department? That explains a lot.
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No one is more surprised than Rutger Hauer to find himself in this movie. (Which I actually hear great things about, but still, just look at that expression.)
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Just thought you guys would like a quick peek at the inside of my brain.
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My eyes hurt and I don’t even know why.
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Just once, I’d like to see her do one for the art.
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“Perfect sense” is something this poster does not make.
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“In Bioscoop”? Awesome. I was hoping they’d be showing this movie in my longtime favorite viewing format, “Bioscoop.” Move over, 3D and IMAX!
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Honestly, when it comes to the subject of Hell, I actually would defer to Corey Feldman’s experience.
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This could potentially be the shortest movie of all time.
(The stars in the little boxes might be the faces he passes by on the way down.)
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Oh, they’ll talk. Maybe not about this movie, but girl, people be talkin’.
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Can you believe they got all these famous movie people to pose for one poster? Wow– wait, what was that? You said they’re not all in the same place? They’re Photoshopped in?!? How is that possible? I mean, they’re all looking in the same exact direction, and– Oh.
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When you’ve got too many fireflies in the garden, there’s only three people you should call…
…And it’s these three guys! (Sorry — four guys, but only if you’re counting the Jennifer Aniston kid as a guy.) Go get those fireflies, fellas! Git’em! Use your skinniest swords!
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Nicolas Cage. And Guy Pearce. January Jones. In: A Jumble!
This movie used to be called The Hungry Rabbit Jumps, which is weird but interesting and original. As opposed to whatever title it’s got now, which is not those things. A good title is sometimes the last defense against total mediocrity.
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Nicolas Cage is now so willing to appear in anything that he will actually appear in firearms.
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Hell on earth. And I say this as one of the few remaining smart people on the planet who occasionally pay to see Adam Sandler movies. If you pay to watch this movie, it’s your own damn fault. I got no sympathy left.
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What if Iron Man was extremely pretentious and wanted awards?
If you guys hear that I went willingly to see this movie, at least you can be happy that I got a date with a girl as amazing and beautiful as it would take to force me to go, because no joke? I’d probably rather see Jack & Jill.
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I take it back.
Although I do like one thing here: That random guy in the left corner who just wandered in off the street into this poster. He’s just happy to be in a movie. He doesn’t realize yet that he’s in HELL.
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This is a movie about Winnie Mandela, the wife of the great leader. The reason the poster is unfortunate is only due to the fact that if the title was “WINNING” and Charlie Sheen was one of the names on the poster, more people would go. And yet my friends tell me not to be so cynical.
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Few people are aware that this is a remake of 1997’s Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion, starring Mira Sorvino and Lisa Kudrow of TV’s Friends.
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All those famous names and still no room for hip-hop & R&B’s Eve herself? She’s the patron saint of New Year’s Eve, you know.
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They already made this movie. It was called Douchebag.
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I love John Hurt as much as the next British crime film fanatic, but the sad fact remains that this is just no way to sell a movie…
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…Though this is far worse.
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DANE COOK ANSWERS TO NOTHING.
Some of these sarcastic quips really write themselves.
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White Guilt: Now in Sliding Tile Puzzle format.
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To be fair, there’s no way for you to capture how shitty this poster is until you see the trailer.
Has your soul been uplifted yet? Are you ready to shower this film with the praise and awards it craves so very badly? Because I only have a massive headache to show for it.
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And now I’m going to lie down. See you next month!
Demon's Resume 